Stress
Manage Stress Better
There are two parts to our brain. The emotional primitive part that is activated during stress which makes us feel unsafe. The other part is logical and is offline when we are in a stress response. That is why we need to learn the skill to calm our nervous system in order to think straight. When we approach a situation calmly, we are present and our child feels it. They feel safe enough to express their intense emotions and the emotional charge releases. They calm down and can listen and follow your instruction. They feel loved and secure.
Emotional Freedom Techniques
I teach EFT ‘tapping’ as a self help tool to emotionally regulate. EFT involves gently tapping with your fingers on the traditional acupuncture points on the face and upper body while focusing the mind on whatever issue is creating discomfort. This tapping sends a signal to the brain to calm down and at the same time, there is a powerful emotional release. The brain is able to create a new ‘neural story’ so that the emotional trigger no longer exists. That is why it is called Freedom! Tapping is like excise for the nervous system–because the system now has learned to do things differently.
Cultivate Self Acceptance
It is easy to compare ourselves to other parents and think we are not good enough. We may feel overwhelmed with our child’s strong emotions or difficult behaviour and react in ways that make us feel badly about ourselves. We often feel incompetent because we feel we should make things better or find a solution to their problems. If we can accept that we don’t have the answers, and that all we need to do is sit calmly and be completely be there for our child, we are doing enough. Perhaps by saying “I love you and am here, we will figure this out” is enough to change the pattern.
Cultivate Loving Compassion
As a psychotherapist and experienced mental health nurse, I help parents learn to face their inner critic and break down harsh self judgments that can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress and depression. Processing past hurts and emotions frees up the mind and body to learn new ways of experiencing ourselves. I teach different mind body exercises that achieve results that are much more powerful and sustainable than talk therapy alone. Best of all, our child will feel the difference right away.
Break Childhood Patterns
Sometimes we need to work a little deeper and talk about how things were for you growing up. This deeper work would only take place when you are at a point where you feel more regualated and able to cope.
Ideally children grow up with parents that model self regulation, meaning they cope with the stress of everyday life. They are nurturing and present most of the time. Many of us did not have this experience and may have internalized stories of not being good enough, lovable or worthy. Further, if you experienced childhood trauma; such as a death of a parent, divorce, any kind of abuse (emotional, physical, sexual), your ability to learn to emotionally regulate may have been disrupted.
Resolve and Relearn Patterns
Once you have learned the skills of self regulation and self acceptance, we can identify current ways your childhood difficulties may be triggered and impacting parenting and coping. Breaking patterns we learned as children is difficult but totally possible through practicing mindfulness. Even more exciting is that we can teach our children empathy, creativity and self control by embracing our imperfections and loving ourselves anyways!
